On the Flip Side

I am all for the confidence boosting statements that if someone wants you in their life, they will make time for you and the one about how people should want to spend time with you because you’re worth it.  I realize those aren’t the exact words, but you know what I’m talking about – and, if you don’t, then please, check out this new thing called Facebook.

Here’s the thing: If people who used to spend a great deal of time with you suddenly aren’t as available or make it clear they don’t want to spend time with you anymore – it’s time for a reality check.  There are a few reasons why this might occur:

  1. It’s them
  2. It’s you

We are all aware of what to do if it’s them.  You have several options concerning what to do about the situation.  I won’t get into these options because that’s not what this post is about.

Here is something a few people have forgotten in these empowering, uplifting times.  It might really be you.  People might be avoiding spending time with you because you have become one of those happiness drains.  You might have slipped into a negativity vortex or become a black hole of emotional need (and I don’t mean someone who is having an emotional situation, I’m talking about someone who is constantly emotionally draining on others with no sign of it ever ending because they don’t really want it to end).

Here are some things to think about:

  • Are you constantly complaining?  About anything and everything?
  • Do you find yourself frequently sympathizing with other complainers?
  • Are you part of the company that misery loves?
  • Do you envy everyone else?
  • Do you feel that everyone else seems to have their life together but not you and nothing ever goes your way?
  • Is the universe working against you?
  • Do things frequently happen to you that aren’t your fault?
  • Should other people change but not you?
  • Do you say the word “should” a lot?  Examples include “You should have done this”  “You should act this way.” “That person should be this?”  “Things should have gone this way because I think they should.” (This is a way of imposing your beliefs of how the world should work on everyone and everything else and subsequently being unhappy when things don’t go the way you think they should and people don’t act the way you think they should)
  • How many negative things do you notice every day?
  • Do you feel the need to inform and make everyone aware of the awful things in the world, the ‘truth’ about things, and in general burst any bubbles anyone else might be using to lift themselves up?
  • Do people usually call you or speak to you when something bad is going on in their life or when something good happens to them?
  • How many times a day do you laugh?
  • How many times a day do you make others laugh?
  • How much of your day would you estimate you ‘enjoy?’

My point is, before you go evaluating the actions of other people around you, check out your own reflection.  If you want people to spend time with you, make sure you are someone others want to spend time with.  Take a good look at your own actions and your own thoughts:

Are you someone you would want to spend time with?

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8 thoughts on “On the Flip Side

  1. Gee, I hope I’m someone people would like to spend time with! There was a time when I wasn’t, but luckily I had a good friend who gave me a pep talk and I got some professional help. And I’m not ashamed to admit it. 🙂

  2. Boy, this post sure is an eye opener. I’d like to think people don’t mind being around me, but I’m sure that’s not always the case. Great list to consider, many times over.

    • The list really came about when I was thinking about my general day and I started thinking about how often I complain vs how often I just get over it without any comments. That and I have recently encountered many happiness drains lately.

  3. “Inquire within” is one of my favorite mantras. (Mantra = reminder I have to whack myself upside the head with regularly.) That and the good ol’ Serenity Prayer. “The courage to change the things I can” usually starts with me. It helps that I can’t blame everything that goes wrong on the dog I live with.

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