Here I am watching overly sappy fantasy romance. The king chooses a commoner for his wife – to be Queen of England. In doing so, he denies his country’s customs, the wishes of the man who fought to make him king and the wishes of his own mother. He undergoes much hardship throughout his life because of his love for her.
It made me wonder of how this applies in the real world. Sure people marry people they shouldn’t all the time. People marry outside their religion. They marry someone people think is too old for them. They marry poor people that their rich families despise. They marry for love.
So the question is – “What would you do for love?
How much would you be willing to sacrifice?
How many people would you be willing to kick out of your life due to their constant hatefulness to your spouse?
How far away would you move to be with that person?
Would you give up all of your friends and family?
Would you change religions?
Would you be willing to defend your spouse to anyone, to stand up for their place in your life?
Would you stand by them no matter their choices in life – good or bad? Stand by them if they decide to suddenly quit their job and become a mime? Stand my them if they wanted to switch careers?
Would you stay by their side if they become life threatening ill?
If they committed a crime, would you stand by them and refuse to say anything against them to the police?
Would you help them bury a body, dispose of the evidence, and keep the secret?
If they escaped jail, would you let them hide out in your home?
If they told you of an upcoming crime they were planning to commit, would you tell the police to prevent it from happening?
If they were suffering a terminal illness and were enduring unbearable pain and suffering and all options for recovery have otherwise been exhausted and they asked for your help, would you assist them in helping them die?
If they cheated on you, would you end the relationship completely? What if you had kids, would you still make the same decision? What if you had only been married for a couple of years – would you end it over the cheating? What if you had been married 20 years – would you end it after an affair?
Do you believe lies your spouse tells even when your intuition tells you your spouse is lying – do you give them the benefit of the doubt and tell yourself it is true?
Do you lie to others to protect your spouse’s image with them?
I am just curious to see the limits some might place on love. I am also curious as to how many feel so strongly about love that they are willing to cross any line. And then there is the marriage aspect – does being married change how far you will go for your lover? Once in love, how many people have the power to leave the person they love?
I’m not sure if you’ve been watching a lot of movies or if your life is really this awesome! 🙂 Well, I think real love should mean you are able to tell your lover that they are full of it and need to get there act together and no we are not going to rob this bank to pay for your mother’s old folks home rent… Once we pass that honeymoon stage of love when we would destroy heaven and earth to be together then it is more of learning to live together and walking somewhere along the same path… But wow, so many possibilities.
The thing about love, to me anyway, is it really begins to grow and become stronger after the honeymoon stage, after people stop being on their ‘best behavior’ and after you begin to learn of any skeletons in their closet or their family’s closet, begin to see their flaws, faults and annoying habits that maybe your overabundance of joy had blinded you or them up until that point..
As for my life, there have been times when some of those questions had to be answered and since we’re still together, I suppose we have crossed a few lines for each other. As for some of the other questions, we have discussions and plans, as all couples must at some point when making up a will, buying a burial plot, tombstone, etc. in relation to the possibility of long term illness, end of life decisions, whether to be buried or cremated, those types of things.
I’ve thought of doing all those things, but more often than not the decision was or would be taken out of my hands by the actions of other people. Who knows what one would do in an actual moment of stress; I would probably sit there dumbfounded. Even theorising about the right answer is hard. Should one try to do what is best for yourself, your lover, everyone else, or just go by your instant reactions and emotions? Do we really know ourselves well enough?
In some situations, yes there is no real way to prepare a strategy or an answer in advance but for most it comes down to how strongly you feel for the other person, for how strong the bond between you is. In most cases, my husband and I act as one, we discuss things together frequently about everything from our families, to the kids, to our plans, hopes, dreams, finances, etc. and I know exactly where he stands on each of the questions I posted above and he knows exactly where I would stand in such situations. We act as one to both his and my families. We never let them get us alone to badmouth the other and even when on rare occasions they do – we stick up for each other. We also keep our personal problems private – none of this running to other family members to sort it out or complain to. We have problems, we deal with them ourselves and we keep it to ourselves.
As to troubling situations which may or may not involve authority, I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that he will stick by me and he knows I would do the same for him. IT all comes down to the fact that we are a couple, we are deeply embedded in each others lives, we not only know how the other person thinks and acts, we know their motivations for their actions, we know their patterns, we know them through and through, good and bad.
There are very few lines I would not cross for my husband.
You are so right, and so lucky to be so sure of yourself and your husband, as I am of my wife, who is my dearest love, companion and best friend. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for her. I wish everyone in the world could be so lucky, but I know that there have been many impossible trials and tribulations that people have had to face. We don’t know what we would have done in their situations; we can only hope to stay true to our beliefs and feelings.
Love is everything. But it could also be painful, if mistaken for other emotions, like intrigue. Great post. Very powerful.
Love is one of the most rewarding experiences in life in my opinion.
There is absolutely no limit’s on what I’d do for my wife, including hiding a body if she was homicidal, I have been at her side for 17 years, I will be at her side to the bitter end, she has stage 4 lung cancer, I look after her and do everything I can for her, I won’t walk away…..EVER. the love and devotion I have for my wife knows no boundaries or limits, she is my wife, my best friend, my soul mate, my everything, and every day I wake up and fall in love with her all over again.
I am sorry to hear of your wife’s condition. I remember several years ago when my mother in law was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer and my father in law was by her side through it all, keeping track of surgeries, doctor visits, medications and ultimately her every need as things progressed. The love and absolute devotion was overwhelming.
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Love this post, even though I’m a chronic single person whose affinity for romantic love is not much. But in my novel in progress, two women are trying to rescue an 11-year-old girl of their acquaintance from her (they’re pretty sure) abusive stepfather without doing further harm to the girl or themselves. Love has something to do with it, but it’s not a love that either woman is either pledged or expected to feel — the fact that they feel it is probably going to be used against them. Your post has pushed me deeper into grappling with this. Thanks.
Great – I”m glad it is helping with writing characters!