Well what can I say – lotteries are great and today’s instruction was: If you won the lottery. I can’t say enough about how great lotteries are – I mean what other way besides just throwing your money directly in the trash can you find to rid yourself of a few unwanted dollars? That sounds harsh and it is but it all stems from a semester I spent in Social Statistics. I just remember we had to calculate the odds of winning the Powerball – as in getting all the numbers and the powerball. I don’t remember the exact number but it was, at that time before they increased the number of numbers, something like 1 in 700 million or 700 billion or some ridiculously large number.
O.k. enough reminiscing about those fantastically stimulating days in Social Statistics. Today is about what I would do, I suppose, if I beat those outrageous odds and won. Now this is to assume I won a monetary lottery – not the lottery portrayed by Shirley Jackson in her infamous story The Lottery. Would not want to a. live in that town or b. win that lottery.
So – I win a few bucket loads of cash amounting to a million or more dollars. What do I do? Well the first, very first thing I would do is obvious – I would double check those numbers. Then I would go and cash in that ticket. I would of course take the immediate payout because frankly, I’m greedy like that and distrustful of receiving a yearly amount for so many years.
The next thing I would do is go home and pay all of my bills – except the electric, water and gas companies. Screw those guys, they can wait for their money till it’s actually due. I say that because where those things are concerned, I have no choice in provider and I have no negotiating leeway due to this. They hold a monopoly on service to my area and well, honestly, that whole not being able to choose my utility providers pisses me off. All other things, like car insurance, cell phone provider, cable, phone, internet, mortgage – those are companies I chose to do business with so I would pay those bills and pay extra just so I didn’t have to worry about them for a long time. The mortgage I would pay off.
Next I would drive around town and throw out random twenties and fifties onto the street because hey – it might make someone’s day to find a twenty or fifty on their way down the street. How cool would that be for them and at this point – I’ve got money to spare.
After that – assuming this was the biggest lottery ever known to mankind – I would buy out Disney and turn it into the Sci-Fi for kids network because you can never be exposed to enough science fiction and since the SyFy network is crap now – we could use a new one. I would also hire new writers to write movies with decent morals – more like Shrek and less like this terrible Geek Charming movie I saw on there the other day.
And of course, I would build a free hospital which offered free or at the very least, reasonably priced medical procedures and definitely offered free screenings. I would start a pharmaceutical company that produced reasonably priced medications. And I would somehow pay someone somewhere to find a solution to world hunger and I would distribute my reasonably or free medications to the needy in other countries.
Then I have this immature and radical tactic for handling world peace. Rather than paying for ammunition, training, weapons and losing the lives of soldiers – I would spend that money paying off all of the people involved in these wars. I would just bribe them basically to stop fighting. Yes they would continuously demand money to continue to not fight but hey, I would be spending that money to fight in the war anyway so might as well spend it for peace. This is assuming people would take the money and keep their word – but hey, this is also assuming I won some unbelievable amount in a lottery.
Alright – in reality, I would seriously just pay off my bills, donate some to charity, invest some and save the rest. Although I would order a lot more pizzas and eat out at a sushi restaurant at least once a week.